When you read the title of this post, were you shocked? Was the image you had of me shattered? I hope not… I am most certainly not supermom. I do not have it all together. I do not begin each day with a smile. I do not handle tattling, screaming, fighting or whining well. I am not supermom.
My husband’s schedule has him stretched thin. He works, he goes to class and he does and internship in the counseling clinic. Most days, he comes home for lunch, but most nights he is not home for dinner… or bathtime… or bedtime. His heart longs to be home with his family. He said once in reference to getting the kids up in the morning and putting them to bed at night… “you get to do all the fun stuff.” My, how our perspectives differ. He so wants to be a part of every detail of the kids’ lives. Me… well… there are some details I could do without… poop in the tub, for one.
As we have adjusted to life with him in seminary, I feel like a giant spotlight has been aimed right at me… and I am standing in one of those dressing rooms with all the mirrors where every little flaw is exposed… only it’s not my physical flaws that are coming to light… it’s everything else.
Today has been a day, where hard as I try, I cannot get it together. The kids seem to sense it and instead of steering clear and giving me some space (as I would like), they are more in my face, more loud and more needy than usual. I have lost my cool on more than one occasion and they have felt the brunt of it. Sometimes I think… “why do I have to feed these kids and clothe them and bathe them… why can’t they take care of themselves?” Then, I remember that they are 5, 4, and 16 months.
I am not supermom. We moms put so much pressure on ourselves to perform… to make cute little lunches for our kids (that are perfectly healthy with non- hormone induced milk and no high fructose corn syrup and free range chickens and …), have them on a schedule that revolves around their various activities and playdates, discipline them perfectly in every situation with just the right verse or word of wisdom on our tongues… and other crazy expectations that we have deemed worthy to obsess about.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to do all things with excellence… with desiring to be a great mom who is remembered fondly by her kids. I am so afraid that my kids will be done with me and that I have offered them nothing to carry on in this life. There is nothing wrong with wanting the best… but I have to temper that with knowing that I am a sinner… not supermom… but a sinner who struggles daily with the realization of that sin and how it affects those around me.
Marriage and parenting have shown me areas of my life that I would have been happy never knowing existed… but I don’t think that living in ignorance is what the Lord would have for me. I have to believe that in bringing these areas to light, he is purifying me… just like when gold is put in the fire, the impurities rise to the top to be scraped off. Oh… how that scraping is so painful at times.
I am not supermom…not perfect by any means… but I know the One who is. I know the One who loved my children before I even met them… and I have to believe that He made no mistakes when he put this family together.
But for now, because it’s still one of those days… is it nap time yet?