I’m getting better… really I am. But I cannot deny the truth… I stalk the mail carrier. We live on a caul-de-sac (no clue if I spelled that right)… not many cars come back our way. The mail truck has a distinct sound. I can hear it coming as it makes it’s stops at each home. I look forward to the mail coming everyday… to say it is a highlight of the day would be an understatement.

I am getting better though… If you’d asked me a year ago… I would have said the mail was THE highlight of the day and not just A highlight of the day. You see… in coming to seminary, we decided to raise support. The program my husband is in (Masters of Art in Counseling) is an intensive two year program. The school suggests that if you work at all, work no more than 20 hours a week. Well… 20 hours a week ain’t gonna put food on the table or shoes on our feet, now is it? We knew that we were going to need help and began to ask people to come along side us with prayer and financial support. Oh… did I mention this was right after the economy crashed and everyone was losing money and scared? yeah… that was a great time to ask people to invest in one more thing. We did, thankfully, have several families commit to join us in our “great adventure.” We did not, and have not, however reach our goal amount… so each month, we pray for God’s provision to bring in the rest of what we need to pay our bills. We have been blessed time and time again by one time financial gifts that have come at just the right time.

Therefore… I stalk the mail carrier. I never know what might be waiting in the mailbox. We have our monthly support checks that usually come at the beginning of the month… and then we have those occasional gifts that show up every now and then.

I’ve always loved getting mail… who doesn’t? But now… I stalk the mail carrier… hoping that she’ll deliver good news to my mail box… the right check at the right time. Poor woman… she doesn’t know that she’s the object of my obsession. She doesn’t know that I get mad at her when she just puts ads, coupons and pre-approved credit card deals in my box. And Lord help her if she puts and unexpected bill in there! I have been trying so hard to trust God’s timing in providing for us. I have tried so hard to be thankful when our bills are taken care of on time and without using a credit card (yes… I did just say credit card… don’t judge). I have tried so hard to still trust and still believe that God has my best interest at heart in those times when the checks don’t come and all I find in the mailbox is a stack of coupons to restaurants that we can’t afford right now. It’s hard though… it’s hard to want something to happen one way, but accept reality when it doesn’t. It’s not really the mail carrier that I am mad at… she’s just an easy target.

I am still trying to figure out what it means that some months, we seem to be left in the lurch when it comes to our bills. I have become so narrow in my understanding of God’s provision. I think it should mean every penny that we need… right when we need it. I forget that we have never had to buy clothes for our kids because we have received so many hand me downs. I forget that we have a roof over our heads, two cars in the driveway, a big backyard with a great view of Florida wildlife, and countless other blessings that have been given to us. More than that, I forget that my citizenship is in heaven… and this world is not my home.  Paul (from the Bible) was beaten, flogged, shipwrecked, imprisoned and more… but referred to all those things as “light and momentary troubles.” If he can say that about the persecution and hatred he faced… why am I whining about not getting the mail I wanted? Paul lived his life in light of eternity. What would my life look like if I had that kind of perspective.

Confessions of a Seminary Wife- I Stalk the Mail Carrier

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