In my last confession, I shared that I realized I was trying to take on life by myself…a task doomed to fail. We were just not created to go it alone. We were created to be dependent beings, living in community. I mean…look in Genesis… In the garden, God looked at Adam and said it was not good for him to be alone.
When we made the decision to move to a new state for my husband to go to seminary, many people advised me to get connected with other people, moms, seminary wives, etc. as soon as possible. I was so sad to leave our community of friends at our church. We had only been in our previous city for just over 2 years and I was finally starting to feel like I was making some solid friendships. I tried to get connected when we got here. I joined a play group…we joined the YMCA… We went to a church filled with young families…but the friendships that I so longed for just weren’t coming together fast enough for me.
It was hard to want to connect with people knowing that my husband was only going to be in school for two years and we were likely going to be moving on when he graduated. We have moved a lot since our oldest was born. I have realized that I have two choices…be calloused and hard…make shallow friendships so it doesn’t really hurt so much when we have to say good bye… Or…invest in people, love well and go deep with people…no matter the consequences.
It took about a year, but we started to meet other seminary families. Families who live in our neighborhood…with lots of kids…who homeschool. Husbands that can talk seminary together. Wives who can relate to the challenges and joys of motherhood, marriage and graduate school! We only have a few short months left in the program. I could shut these people out of my life because I know that we are starting a new chapter in our lives come this summer. But I choose to love well and live in community…no matter the consequences.
Two pieces of wisdom I have received over the last few years that have stuck out to me:
1. A military wife I met in a Bible study once encouraged me to set up a home wherever we moved. Even if we would not be there long… Put pictures on the wall and make it cozy.
2. A friend who opens her home to house guests (even though her husband is in seminary and they have 3 kids) said about having these guests, “It’s good for my sanctification.” Living in community keeps us honest. Allowing other people to speak into your life is a great reality check.
Friendships take time. Letting people into your life can get a little hairy at times. It seems like it would be easier at times to just go it alone…but that’s just not the way we were designed. And when you try to operate something in a way it wasn’t designed, you won’t get very far.