Confession – I had to look up how to spell the word “hypocrite”

I am realizing lately that I hold others (mainly my husband and children) to a higher standard than I am willing to abide by. I expect greatness, near perfection from them and am terribly disappointed when they don’t come through for me.

I expect my children to wake up in a good mood and get upset when the first thing I hear in the morning is a tattle tale or a complaint…yet I grumble when the sun comes peeking through the curtains and the day begins.

I expect my husband to affirm me and notice the housework I have done and praise me for all the wonderful things I have accomplished through the day…yet I hardly notice the hard work he does around the house or hours he’s put in at the seminary.

I cannot count the number of times I have encouraged others in ministry to trust the Lord with their finances. To know that God will provide for all their needs. To not let money hold them back from going on a mission trip or answering some other call of the Lord… Yet I grumble and whine that our bills loom over me and I just “don’t know how we are going to make it this month.”

I talk about the importance of living simply and storing up treasure in heaven…yet our storage room is stacked wall to wall with stuff upon stuff…and I want more.

Yesterday I watched as my son threw a fit because he did not want to share his new bike with a friend. I watched again later as he threw another fit because he did not want to go back to the starting line when he was playing red light, green light and had taken a step on a red light. He absolutely did not want to own up to the fact that he had made a mistake…even though everyone said that he did. I watched yet another fit as he did not get to be the “caller” in red light, green light when he wanted to. 15 kids were playing…everyone was getting a turn…his just wasn’t coming fast enough.
I may not throw myself down in the middle of a red light, green light game…I may not stomp off with my arms crossed and brow furrowed…but my heart is in the same place as my son’s. I want my way. I want it now. I don’t care that there are other people involved in the equation…I want what I want.

Praise the Lord that he loves me and is not finished with me. Praise Him that he is more and loving with me. Praise Him that he is a promise maker and a promise keeper and he has promised to finish the good work he started in me.

Confessions of A Seminary Wife- I am A Hypocrite

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