I do not like waiting. I confess that I am a product of our instant society. The microwave can’t get done fast enough. The internet is always too slow. The drive through takes too long. I do not like to wait.

This attitude does not set well with being a Christian. God does not seem to be in the habit of instant gratification. He does not instantly answer the prayers that I so hastily pray. I want sanctification…and I want it now. I am tired of losing my patience with my kids, under appreciating my husband and over looking the “least of these” who desperately need to be cared for. I am tired of being selfish, self- centered and sinful. But sanctification takes time…a life time in fact. Unfortunately, I will always struggle with sin this side of heaven.

When we began this seminary journey, it seemed the waiting would never end. Waiting to see if his application was received. Waiting to see if we’d be invited to the review weekend where they interview possible future students. Waiting to see if he was accepted in the first round of applicants…no. Waiting to see if he was accepted in the second round…yes.

Then we waited to see if we would be able to find a house to live in, raise support for our expenses, get out of our lease for our apartment. All this waiting was driving me nuts. I was pregnant and desperately needing to nest and make a home for our family and a place for this new little one who would be arriving soon.

Two months after he was accepted, we moved to a new state and into a new neighborhood. The waiting continued. Waiting to make new friends. Waiting to see if the support we were trying to raise would be enough to cover the bills. We waited. We wait still.

Now we are waiting to find a job. To know the next step. Graduation is just over a month away. Our lease on the house we are renting will be up in July. So much still needs to be completed before he can even graduate. I have been praying and I know that others have been too…that God would lead us to the right job, in the right city, at the right time. I know that he will. I would just like to know sooner than later what that next step will be.

I wish that I could rest in the present. I wish that I could be okay with not knowing the next step yet. I wish that I could trust that we will know when the time comes. I know that God already has it planned and is not concerned. I know that I am borrowing trouble from tomorrow and letting it shadow my today.

It is exciting in a way to think of all the possibilities. Graduation is going to come. Our lease will run out. We will take that next step. I’m just eager to know what it will be.

Confessions of A Seminary Wife-Waiting is So Hard (7)

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