I often have friends tell me things like “You are so laid back. How do you do it?” Or “You make it look so easy…”
To those friends… first, of all… thanks… I guess. I can only say that God’s grace must be shining through because I, indeed, do NOT have it all together… and I am sure that my children would argue the statement that I am laid back.
Yesterday… I did not have it together.
We’ve been battling mold in our basement. I am terrified at what lurks beneath. My husband’s car broke down this week. I am dreading what that might mean for us… money poured into fixing it? Scrapping the car and becoming a one car family… I know… first world problems. I’m sorry… I live in a first world country… they may be first world problems, but they are problems. We homeschool… community keeps me sane. If I don’t have a car to connect to said community… well… let’s just not go there.
Baby girl is up during the night and up early in the morning. This mama is sleep deprived. This mama needs sleep.. legitimately… more sleep than the average person.
Anxiety was the name of the game yesterday. Things were not easy and I was not laid back. I did not handle whining well. I did not handle simple requests well. I did not handle Baby Girl opening and trying to climb into the microwave on multiple occasions well. I did not handle Baby Girl pulling markers out and “painting” her toes. I was looking forward to nap time. I was sad when it was over.
I did not speak with gentleness and grace to my children. I grumbled. I whined and I complained. I did not take a deep breath and count to 10.
I fed them crescent rolls and eggs for dinner… they had popcorn and fruit the night before… so much for meal planning this week.
I’m thankful God’s mercies are new every morning.
One of the best words of wisdom I received from a dear friend a few years ago was to pray for my children… specifically to pray that their hearts would be like a colander… that as all the things of the day flow through their hearts, only the nuggets of truth and love would remain… that all the junk (that they see, hear, experience… even if it’s from their stressed out mom) would wash away. I prayed that for my children last night.
They are such a beautiful example of unconditional love. They greeted me with hugs and kisses this morning. They declared their love for me as if nothing ever happened. I would like to see me through their eyes… I have a feeling it’s a much different picture than what I imagine myself to be.
Parenting is hard. It stretches me and pulls me and breaks me.
At the end of the day… I’m glad for it.