diary

I have written before about my struggle with Hashimoto’s Disease. It is an autoimmune disease centered on my thyroid. My body is literally attacking itself. It is on a search and destroy mission and has my thyroid in it’s sights!

I have been really struggling in the last two years to find a doctor willing to go above and beyond the normal tests. I have been laughed at when I asked for a new medicine. I have been shut down when I asked for specific tests. I have been met with blank stares and ho hums when I pour my struggles out the very doctors who should be trained to help me!

Most recently, I went to a family physician (at the advice of my endocrinologist) to find out if I had some other deficiency that might be causing my long list of symptoms (which by the way are consistent with Hashimoto’s Disease). I went to the family doc. I took my list of 40 plus symptoms. I poured out my heart. I asked for help. He didn’t hear me. He looked at me and told me I just needed to go to a weight loss clinic and he’d be happy to refer me. I went back later and looked at the patient access file that showed a synopsis of my visit. He didn’t write down any of the symptoms I told him… not the mood swings, the cold intolerance, the dry hair, the brittle nails, the numbness in my hands, the brain fog… he wrote down “tired and overweight.” He didn’t hear me when I told him that I had given up gluten and that I exercised six days a week and still was gaining weight. He didn’t hear me when I asked for help. He only saw me.

I was crushed. I went to pick up my kids from a friend’s  house. I was in tears. Another doctor’s visit. Another payment for a visit that was worthless. I was destroyed.

Fast forward to today. I went to a new doctor. A friend had gone ahead of me and asked questions at HER visit on MY behalf… amazing friend! She told me I should check them out. When I called, I found out they actually think outside of the thyroid box. They actually treat the patient and not just the bloodwork. I was giddy with the thought that they would do certain blood tests… you hear me… giddy I got to have blood work!

I just had the bloodwork today. When I got home, I had this hope growing in me that someone was finally going to help me. I had a pep in my step and for just a brief window of time, I was my pre-thyroid disease self. I had energy and could not stand still. I had hope.

One conversation with a doctor crushed me. Another conversation with a lap tech gave me hope. It’s amazing how that little bit of hope physically changed me. Hope is a funny thing.

Ultimately, my hope is in Christ. I know without a doubt that I will one day have a healthy body. I will not walk around in complete exhaustion. I will have energy for eternity. I know this. But it is nice to have a hope that while here, in this body… I could experience health as well.

I’ll have my follow up appointment with the actual doctor next week. I have a little bit of PTSD from my past experiences. I am so hoping that this doctor is, in fact, different. Only time will tell!

Diary of a Homeschool Mom- Hope is a Funny Thing

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